


not one word

by seodollar



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Confrontations, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Stream of Consciousness, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25111069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seodollar/pseuds/seodollar
Summary: “But I guess you’re not desperate enough.”Had you known that your supposed peaceful birthday celebration with Rowoon would turn into a tension-filled evening full of confrontations, you should have just fled and called it a day. You, a rational woman, should have done that. But your emotional, one-sided love for your best friend eventually led you to the situation you're in right now: face red from anger and bawled fists ready to fight.He may be the love of your life but that doesn't mean he's not capable of hurting you.
Relationships: Kim Seokwoo | Rowoon/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	not one word

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fic dedicated to everyone's favorite tall kpop boy: SF9's Rowoon! I actually made this for my fantasy friend as a starter since I'm only an avid reader of fanfictions made by other writers, I don't formally write stories. I hope you read 'till the end and let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is always welcome and your feedback will be very much appreciated :-)
> 
> \- to clear the confusion, I'm using the stream of consciousness technique so if you see the italicized lines in between sentences, that means it's your current thought process :--) it might be a bit uncomfortable if you're not used to it, but please read 'till the end!

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

If someone were to see me right now, they would undoubtedly think that I am being chased by god-knows-what in the middle of the night. With long, desperate strides, what seems to be 'too far' in a normal day became somewhat near after sprinting the moment I got off the bus. I initially planned to go about in a comfortable pace- You know- walking carefully as to not destroy the beautiful cake I bought from Mary Grace's and avoid ruining my look (I deliberately went all out, boots and all that jazz) before I face the most important- _most handsome, not to mention his sturdy arms enough to manhandle me for li-_ person of my life… Rowoon. And it's his birthday today. My bestfriend's birth-fucking-day and I was supposed to be in his place 5 hours earlier if it weren't for my dumbass group and my misplaced sense of responsibility. Had I known that that harmless “Can you stay here and supervise the research group meeting?” would eventually lead to my proof-reading every single one of my classmates' paper, waiting for my professor outside his office and only to find out that he had gone home already, I should have mamba-out'd myself before I got caught up in that shithole. 

But lo and behold, 5 hours behind schedule and the only thing that would help save my sorry-arse is now unappealing to look at. Yes, both me and the cake. Ruined. Now only a panting, haggard, mess of a person is about to show up in the doorstep of God's intricately-crafted man. In an attempt to make myself presentable, I wiped off the sweat that was literally making me look like I just went back from my usual gym workout _which is something that I don't do, thus the profuse sweating._ With a heavy hand, I finally rung the intercom and to my surprise, I was greeted with a smiling Rowoon. My guts were telling me it isn't a good sign, but my naivety decided to cling to that small possibility that the face he's making right now is a friendly one, the usual. 

Boy, I should have listened to my guts and fled.

-

Despite having known each other for years, entering his place still feels foreign to me. I used to hang around his family's place back when he still lives with both of his parents. Upon entering college, they probably decided that it was high time to finally let him live on his own, work his way up as an independent adult, and eventually repay them when the time comes. It worked wonders for him, no surprise on that. He is now considered an asset to the university's soccer team a few weeks into becoming a member. With his schedule fully devoted for school only, his hard work bore fruit and those fruits are the first thing you see once you step inside his home--- medals, and trophies given to the deserving MVP, certificates for various competitions, which includes singing(a hobby of his second to soccer) and theatrical plays. This man has it all: brain, looks, personality _apparently, God is capable of creating a being close to perfection if He wanted, huh_ that makes women of all ages swoon over the sight of him. So, when I saw my reflection through the mirror in the receiving area, with Rowoon on my right, my heart shrunk just by seeing me, an average-looking person with above-average intelligence (thankfully) stand beside such a person like him. Maybe I was fated to be his friend for life; bound to exist as a background character in his life until he finally meets the one, marry, and forget about me entirely. The thought is not remotely close to impossible. That made me tear up a little, a little too much that Rowoon's expression shifted to one that is worrying. Before he even says a word, I headed straight to his living room without missing a beat, Rowoon followed suit.

“Your place looks immaculate as always…?”

My words hung in the air as I let my eyes wander everywhere but his, my gaze eventually settling on the feast in front of me. If it weren't for the frighteningly calm man shadowing over my figure (with his 192cm glory), I would have dove right into eating. _Fuuuuuuck I need to do something before this tension chokes the hell out of me-_

“Hey, uhh, I'll use the bathroom first okay? You know, because I've bathed in sweat for the past hour and I have to take a shit and get my shit together before…yeah… gettit?... Haha” With my head hung as low as possible, I quickly scurried away after setting my things down on the couch nearby and went to the bathroom not before tripping over my foot several times.

 _‘Take a shit and get my shit together'..? Seriously? A poop joke in that situation? Lord please take me now, I don't have the will to face him anymore._ For the number of times I have slapped my face to bring some sense to my entire being, I don't have to touch up my blush anymore _everyone's digging for that rosy cheek look anyway._ My mind started wandering the moment I realized that I am standing in front of the same mirror that Rowoon uses before and after showering. A frosted bottle among his many expensive skincare products caught my attention. Picking it up, I saw that it is the Calvin Klein perfume I got him for his graduation 3 years ago. With the amount of liquid left, I speculate he has not used this often and saved this for special occasions. I frowned at the thought. I would rather have him wear this every day, honestly. _A territorial mark, perhaps?_ Except he's not mine to begin with. For years of being branded as his follower, I had to prove my worth as his one and only female best friend to the judging eyes of the society; starting from the way I dressed to my habits, my reputation made a complete U-turn upon entering university. I don't look half-bad, heck, men ask me out from time to time. But whenever I'm with him, I downgrade from being a “cutie” to “that friend of Rowoon” because of his superior looks enough to have agencies scout him even when clad with just his house clothes. Not that I mind, I mean, despite his cheerful personality and approachable aura, only a few stay in his life. He is everyone's 'Takane-no-Hana', meant to be admired from afar out of reach. Luckily, I am one of the few who got to know him past the public's common knowledge. 

-

My stay in the bathroom took longer than expected. I had to remove my already melted makeup and redo my hair in an attempt to look less haggard than what I initially had looked like before I arrived. My hours’ worth of prettying myself up has now gone off the drain. I am already at my limit--- the mental stress from my earlier business at school definitely did not help with the migraine building up from both of my temples and not to mention, the sore legs from running without rest. And now, I still have the biggest challenge to overcome sitting right in front of me, Rowoon. Mustering all the courage that I need, I approached him with determined strides and sat next to him on the couch.

“Rowoon, okay so you won't believe what happened toda-” 

**“Where have you been?”**

His tone is familiar. I think it is the same as the one he used way back in high school when I did something that upset him for days. The memories are a bit hazy but it was definitely enough to have his intense gaze fixed on me, _it involves a guy… and he- ah my head hurts from even trying to remember it_ like right now. His face is calm but his eyes say otherwise. It's like a dark cloud overshadowed his usual bright, hazel orbs. There's something about them that kept my feet in place and my eyes remained fixed despite the goosebumps on the back of my neck, at this point I couldn't tell whether it was out of fear or for an entirely different reason _whatever that is, I am too afraid to point it out myself._ After god-knows how long our staring contest lasted, I realized that that was the first time Rowoon spoke during the whole period of my visit here. I took the silence as a cue to continue my explanation.

“S-so you know my groupmates right? In research? We had to finalize our manuscript today and it took longer than expected. The prof wasn't there as well, so we weren't able to pass our paper. Oh! And remember Dawon? It's because of him that I was able to finish my work quickly… we should eat with him sometime, for old time's sake. No, wait, I should treat you first as an apology for today. I'm sorry. I didn’t forget your birthday. Like, really, I'm sooo sorry… I… Rowoon?”

I looked up to him to check his expression if it changed at all but to no avail. If something, his face darkened even more after my lame rambling about my day _I get that he's mad about my almost missing his birthday, but his stare tells me that it's more than that._ The silence in the room is suffocating and both of us remained unmoved as the tension rises. Just when I was about to speak, after a good minute of waiting for a response, Rowoon averted his gaze from mine and sighed deeply.

“That’s not nice of you” he finally spoke. “I canceled all my org activities today, including soccer practice, mind you. Those are equally important to me but I still chose to go home and prepare for my birthday, because I knew you'd be coming and this is the only time we'd see each other in weeks.” He now has his hands covering his face in a frustrated manner. “I understand that you have your responsibilities as well but you could've insisted that you have to go somewhere after school, that you don't want to miss it. You’re insanely smart and today’s definitely one of the times you ought to use that brain of yours, (y/n), I know you're capable of doing that…” at this point, I felt like one more word from him and I would lash out anytime soon. He just had to put the final nail into the coffin with his last statement.

**“But I guess you’re not desperate enough.”**

_“You’re not desperate enough”  
My tear-stained eyes met his cold and unfeeling ones. This is where our 2-year relationship ends.  
“Dear, you’re not desperate enough.”  
She deadpanned over the sight of my thesis I’ve spent countless sleepless nights only to be rejected again.  
“You’re not desperate enough, (y/n).”  
Is what my family told me after I told them of my struggle, even if I have tried so hard._

“But I guess you’re not desperate enough.”

The disappointment evident in his voice rung to my ears. Something inside me snapped and before I could stop myself, I had already spit the raw emotions that were bottled up since I arrived.

“Fuck you, Suk-woo.” I spoke with gritted teeth. Even the man responsible froze in place by how much my voice sounded so venomous like it came from a different person. My face now red not from embarrassment but because of the anger threatening to come out from my very core. I stood up from my seat and faced him fully, my menacing gaze remained locked to Rowoon. I continued:

“Fuck you and your petty mouth. Not desperate enough? Well, let me remind you what I have been through! I had to cover for my irresponsible groupmates at school, proof-read their paper, which by the way, looked too much like a grade-schooler’s that I literally rewrote every single one of theirs. Have you told you that I was also the one who waited for my fucking professor to pass the papers that I have worked so hard to revise, only to find out he had an early out?! People and their irresponsible ass!”  
He reaches out his hand to me, to which I swatted without batting an eyelash. My voice rising volume with each sentence. “Jesus Christ, I, who doesn’t even hit the gym, had to run kilometers from the bus stop to reach your house! Are you blind? There was a person sweating like a pig an hour before! Me! I did my best to run as fast as possible, even tripped once in a while, but I didn’t stop because I knew you’d be upset if I don’t show up! So don’t go telling me that I wasn’t desperate enough. I did my best, okay? Since childhood, I’ve been giving my all to please everyone! You… I thought you’re different from _them_ but it took you, what, your birthday to change your attitude towards me? I was a fool to expect comfort from you… of all people, you just had to…!”

It took me a few beats before realizing what just happened. Rowoon is embracing me. My body already convulsing from the bursts of anger I released. I tried to break free from his arms, only to have his grasp tighten around my sobbing figure. My hands went limp to my sides and I eventually let him gently rock me to help me calm down.

“I did my best, alright? I did-“ 

“Shush” 

Rowoon buried his face to my hair, a small, barely noticeable ‘sorry’ came out of his mouth. I rested my head on his chest while reaching out to hug him back. The tension now replaced with a comfortable silence enough to lull the raging waters in both of us, the moment too fragile that one wrong move and something inside would break. We are at our most vulnerable. 

And I wish it would last forever.

-

Us embracing each other would have made a wonderful still-image, if it weren’t for the wet patch (mixed with snot) forming on Rowoon’s shirt from my hour-worth of crying. As if the sensation served as grease to finally have the cogs in my brain working, I immediately became hyperaware of the non-existent space between me and my best friend. So when I moved my arm to distance myself, things got confusing as Rowoon tightened his hold even more. We do hug occasionally, but how his body is engulfing my small figure right now is too intimate to call it ‘friendly’. I’m tired of keeping my hopes up Just as I was about to use brute force to separate my body from his, he slowly moved his hands from my arms, up to my neck, and finally finding its place to the sides of my face. With deliberate efforts, he lifted my head to face him. The butterflies in my stomach thrashed at the sight in front of me:

Rowoon looking at me with the most loving expression- his deep, brown eyes bore into mine like how a man would to his lover. A soft smile painted his lips, not in a playful manner like the usual, just enough to tell me that his sulking had ended already. Before I get lost in his stare, I averted my gaze away from his. He shouldn’t be looking at me like that... After all, we’re just…

“…friends.” 

My thoughts escaped from my mouth. There’s no turning back.

“Sorry?”

“Rowoon, we’re just friends.”

I repeated, now with a firm tone, still looking away.  
No response was heard after I spoke. His brows only crinkled upon hearing my words- confusion evident in his features. At this point, Rowoon’s mind is probably too occupied to notice that his grip has tightened, opting me to finally lift my face and give him a proper look. I immediately regretted doing so as I felt myself tearing up again. I physically felt my heart drop with a simple look at his face.

“You’re hurting me. Please stop.” He must’ve thought I was referring to his hold because without breaking our eye contact, he lowered his hands down to my shoulders instead. Idiot. I shook my head and slowly pried his arms away from me. Taking a deep breath, I continued.

“This. What you’re doing right now, is painful. You’re acting like… like a boyfriend! Even if we’re seen together often, our schoolmates still refer to me as “Rowoon’s friend” because they see how incomparable our visuals are. I’m bound to be your friend. And that wasn’t how you look at a friend. How could I not misunderstand---?”

A chuckle.

He’s about to burst into… laughter?

“Are you making fun of me?”

This rude sunuvabitch. I swear if he says the wrong words, I’ll definitely take a criminal charge in exchange for this man’s demise. 

“Pfft. I’m sorry, (y/n). It’s just that, for a smart person like you, you’re pretty dumb when it comes to these things.”

He explained in-between laughs. First, he confuses me. Now he calls me dumb? I’m done. Suddenly feeling a surge of adrenaline, I gripped his shirt hard and gave him the most threatening glare I could muster as a fuck you, but with only my face. Hope it’s enough to send a message. But instead of him cowering in fear (from what I expected), he mockingly mirrored my expression and burst into fits of laughter as he was not able to control himself. Rowoon then brought me back into an embrace, this time, resting the entirety of his head on top of mine. As if deaf from my protests, he just buried my face deeper into his chest, succeeding in muffling whatever string of curses came out from my mouth. He definitely waited for me to give in, because the moment I stopped moving, he held me at arm’s length in front of him with a big smile.

“What the fuck was that? Let me punch that shit-eating grin off of your f-”

“I love you, you idiot.”

Now it’s my turn to be speechless.

I must’ve heard wrong. Yeah, gosh, my delusions are getting worse huh? He only said ‘you idiot’ but I heard an ‘I love you’ before that-

“And before you overthink, no, you didn’t hear wrong. I said I love you.”

He took my silence as a signal to continue.

“Do you think I’ll get that upset if it’s just my friend who missed my birthday? No. It’s because it’s you. Just when I finally had a reason to have you come here to my place without any school-related activities, you arrived late. But that’s in the past already, what matters is you’re here now. With me.”

“My- my brain refuses to believe what is happening right now. I learned in our research class that we are not to assume anything until evidence is presented, so this isn’t real. This is bull---!”

I swear I’m starting to think that Rowoon likes cutting me off mid-sentence, only this time, with a different method. In a split second, his lips are on mine. Soft… Before I even had time to respond, he pulled away so slightly, our noses touching from the proximity of our faces.

“Now you have evidence. What else do you need?”

The kiss must’ve flipped the switch inside me that I couldn’t stop the next words that spilled out of my mouth.

“Uh, I think it’s still lacking, we still need to prod deeper into the matter.”

“Granted.”

And the night continued with our endless search for ‘evidence’ until eventually reaching the ‘conclusion’ that had us knocked out for the rest of the morning. To think that research could be this exciting… only with my ex-best friend-now-boyfriend Rowoon, of course.

-end-

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think about the ending? was it rushed? was it fine? aaaaaa let me know!


End file.
